Wed. Aug 17th, 2022

Tastefully Renovated Garage

6001 4th St.
$399,000

If you’re good with dwelling within the again yard of a shirtless man named Rex who barbecues 300 and sixty-five days per yr and went nocturnal in 2009 and by no means regarded again, this itemizing might be the very best factor that has ever occurred to you. Rex says that this one-bedroom, four-hundred-square-foot field was a storage, however I’ve by no means seen a storage with a glass ground earlier than, so I do not know what that’s about. Brand new home equipment and no door to talk of.

Saves: 45
Offers: 12


Trash Heap

312 Dung Street
$799,000

Situated on the fetid aspect of a double lot, this heap of black banana peels, unused hot-sauce packets, and moist socks has a great deal of character, and it’s simply begging for somebody to dig a bit of tunnel by the center of it for a house conversion. This lot is zoned for a four-bedroom residence that must be 5 tales excessive and tremendous slender, for some motive. If you go to the city-planning division and ask why it might’t simply be a traditional home, the floating wraith tasked with aiding you’ll open an enormous dusty ebook, level to an inscrutable line written in a long-dead tongue, and say, “City code,” earlier than cackling and disappearing into mist.

Saves: 280
Offers: 49


Giant Hole

28 Quarry St., No. 3
$650,000

Twenty by twenty ft and getting barely wider and deeper with each thunderstorm, this massive sloppy gap is technically zoned as industrial, however we’ve found out a solution to make it home-adjacent. It’s not insulated, however on the plus aspect it’s tremendous small and comprises no human constructing supplies, so there’s not a lot to do, upkeep-wise. Worth noting that it’s a duplex, so that you’ll be sharing it with one other household that’s required to have twelve pets.

Saves: 99
Offers: Accepting backup gives


Gorilla Enclosure

1 Zoo St.
$380,000

On the one hand, you’ll be sharing a pen with a male silverback gorilla named Marlow with a historical past of aggression. On the opposite hand, it’s three thousand sq. ft, prices lower than the median residence, and the close by colleges are wonderful for those who can work out a solution to tiptoe previous Marlow early within the morning (when he’s angriest). It additionally comes with the chance to coach guests about our primate family by the unintentional provocation of alpha habits. If you’ve tried and tried to undertake an train routine nevertheless it’s by no means caught, it is a nice alternative as a result of you’ll spend most days working and climbing.

Saves: 33
Offers: 4, all of which embody a feminine gorilla to maintain the large man distracted
*Please don’t go to with out an appointment.


Half-Renovated, Sinking Rectangle

43 Birch St.
$899,000

The two morons who lived right here final added a random rest room someplace a rest room doesn’t belong in a determined bid to extend the sale worth of no matter this factor is, however they by no means completed, so that you’re going to must determine that out. There’s a bunch of sawdust all over, and each wall has a chunk of IKEA furnishings nailed to it. Whether any of the LOMMARP bookcases are load-bearing is unclear, however, if it sounds thrilling to you to seek out out, go for it.

Saves: 146
Offers: 25, all of that are over asking worth; 1 provide to strip down, get on all fours, and eat no matter you set in entrance of us


My Grandpa’s Basement

$299,000

My grandpa isn’t taking the steps anymore, so it’s in all probability advantageous for those who transfer into his basement. No concept what’s down there or if something works, when it comes to electrical energy or water, however as I recall the neighbors aren’t residence all that a lot, so you’ll be able to in all probability run a hose from their spigot or no matter. If, for any motive, my grandpa sees you, simply faux you’re a ghost and do some old-timey dance (please name 911 if that goes south).

Saves: 18
Offers: 3 which have waived the best to inspection; 1, to be your new grandpa if the previous man croaks


Nice House Currently on Fire

$1,300,000

A four-bedroom, three-bathroom mid-century fashionable masterpiece lower than ten ft from a five-thousand-acre park that’s at present smoldering. Things gave the impression to be enhancing for a bit, however in the middle of penning this description the wind picked up, and the kitchen is at present engulfed in a firestorm. Magnificent, hilltop view of houses that aren’t on fireplace in the intervening time however might quickly be. Who the hell is aware of something anymore?

Saves: 188 saves
Offers: 20 that embody organ donation


The Place You’re Already Renting

$499,000

Considering the truth that not a single factor in right here was bought after 1996, and that even the issues that work are literally damaged for those who don’t know how you can jiggle them appropriately, you thought that $300,000 was essentially the most any cheap individual would ask. But no, it’s going for $500,000 and will probably be offered to an Airbnb developer who’s going to hire it to utterly regular individuals who nonetheless will handle to spoil this whole neighborhood.

Offers: 10,000,000
*Already been offered and flipped. ♦

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